Refunds and Returns | Our Reasonable Humor & Chaos Policy

Need a Refund? We Got You.

Refunds and Returns should be easy, and ours are—no hassle, no stress. If you bought something and immediately thought, “Oh no, what have I done?” don’t worry—you have 30 days to send it back.

We don’t need an essay explaining why—just follow the steps below. Whether you ordered the wrong size, changed your mind, or realized that wearing a t-shirt with our logo might attract strange looks from strangers, we understand. Life is chaotic.

A Brief (and Slightly Questionable) History of Refunds

Refunds aren’t new—humans have been making bad purchasing decisions for thousands of years. In Ancient Babylon (1750 BCE), if a builder’s house collapsed, they weren’t just required to offer a refund—they were executed. 😬 The Romans had early consumer protections for faulty goods, and by the 1800s, department stores introduced the “Satisfaction Guaranteed” policy, which basically meant “Fine, take it back, just stop yelling.” The e-commerce era took refunds to another level, making it easier than ever to return things—but also fueling return fraud, free rentals, and the age-old trick of claiming an item ‘never arrived’ while holding it in your hands.

How Do Refunds and Returns Work?

We keep it simple:

Email us at [your email] with your order number and the issue.
We approve it (assuming your request isn’t totally ridiculous).
Send it back in original condition, and we’ll process your refund.

Once we receive your return, we’ll refund your payment within 5-10 business days—banks are slow, and we don’t control them (yet).

What If My Order Arrives Damaged?

If your item shows up looking like it survived an angry raccoon attack, let us know. We’ll replace it for free if:

It arrived damaged or defective.
It was misprinted or didn’t match your order.
You send us a photo of the issue (so we can yell at our suppliers).

We don’t cover accidental destruction, so if your cat shredded your t-shirt, that’s between you and your cat.

What Can Be Returned?

Unused, unworn, and unwashed items in original condition. If it still has the new-item smell, you’re good.
Defective, misprinted, or damaged items—our mistake, our fix.
Regret-driven purchases (within 30 days). We get it. Sometimes impulse buys don’t work out.

What Can’t Be Returned?

Digital downloads (once you have it, we can’t un-send it from your brain).
Custom-made items (unless we messed up).
Anything that looks “lightly chewed.”
Items returned after a “mystery disappearance” in the mail.
Anything that has been “gently used” (we know what that means).
Products damaged by creative but ill-advised use. Example: If you tried to use a mug as a hammer, that’s on you.

How Long Do Refunds Take?

Once your return is approved and we receive the item, refunds are processed within 5-10 business days. If it’s taking longer, blame the banking system, not us.

Refunds will be issued to the original payment method. If you paid in sacrificial offerings or interpretive dance, we’ll have to negotiate.

Exchange Policy

If you’d rather exchange your item instead of returning it, we’ve got you covered. Follow the same return steps, but let us know what item you’d like instead. We’ll ship out the replacement once we receive your original item.

We don’t offer exchanges for digital downloads (downloading it twice doesn’t count).

Do I Have to Pay for Return Shipping?

It depends:

If we messed up (wrong item, misprint, defective product), we’ll cover the shipping.
If you changed your mind, you’ll need to cover return shipping.

To make it easy, we’ll provide a return shipping label if needed. Just don’t send it by carrier pigeon—we’re not responsible for lost birds.